I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
