he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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