Your tits are I can't wait for
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
