if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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