I want to have your abortion
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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