based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
