too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
