I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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