he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
