I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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