i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize