Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
