I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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