i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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