What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
