There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
