Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
