Jerry, you need to find god
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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