What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I think i got beer on your cat.
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