yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
