no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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