Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
