so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
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