her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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