Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
