u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Randomize
