Why are handjobs necessary in class?
you traded sex for a burrito?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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