Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
