i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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