i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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