maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
