no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
