Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
