I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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