I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
