i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
