Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
