We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
