just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
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I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I think I just sharted jello shots
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