I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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