everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
