I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
