well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
