Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
