i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
