I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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