I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
