I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
