i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
