I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
