Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
