I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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