Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
