My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
