plz talk dirty to me
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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