So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
