apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
