you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
