She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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