U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
