My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
