in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
