You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
