I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize