I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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