Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
