Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
