you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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