Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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