It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
