Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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