u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i was born a porn star she said
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
