Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
