she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
