i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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