You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
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I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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