i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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