btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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