I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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