With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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