New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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