You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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