all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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